While I struggle to find the time and inspiration to complete two manuscripts and start a third, I’ve done some editing along the way. Although I only have six books in print, I’ve been writing for almost twenty years. Granted, I spent the first thirteen of those years learning what not to do. I thought because I was fairly intelligent and had done well in all my English and writing classes in college that I could just read a few romance novels and sit down and write.

Wrong!

Writing isn’t just about having a good story. It’s about writing that story in such a way the reader feels a connection to the characters. So today, on this cold and snowy January day, I thought I’d share my TOP TEN WRITING MISTAKES:

REPEATS:

Almost every writer unconsciously leans on a “crutch” word. If you’re reading a romance, those words frequently come out during the love scenes. Watch out for how many times you use certain phrases. If you find yourself describing the same action or emotion with the same word in every chapter, the reader is going to notice. If your heroine’s pulse quickens ever time she sees the hero, the reader might think she has a fatal heart condition. Also, watch for using the same word multiple times in the same paragraph.

For example: He raked her with hot, hungry eyes—wanting her, and
knowing he could never have her.
“You thought what?” His voice was harsh, but he had to
make her understand. “That I could stay in Redemption and be your
friend?”
“Yes.” Her voice was little more than a groan.
With a groan of frustration, he bent forward and took her
face in his hands. He leaned closer. Their foreheads touched. His hands ached to pull her closer. Unable to resist, he leaned forward—his lips just a whisper away. “Think again.”
Then he lowered his head and molded his mouth to hers.

Notice how many times the words, leaned, hands, and groan are used. This is from a rough draft of an earlier version of my western historical, Helpless Hearts.  And here’s the version that made it into print:

He raked her with hot, hungry eyes—wanting her, and
knowing he could never have her.
“You thought what?” His voice was harsh, but he had to
make her understand. “That I could stay in Redemption and be your friend?”
“Yes.” Her voice was little more than a whisper.
With a groan of frustration, he bent forward and took her
face in his hands—his lips just a whisper away. “Think again.”
Then he lowered his head and molded his mouth to hers.

Also check your manuscript for unnecessary words such as “just” and “that.” If the word can be removed from the sentence without changing its meaning or making the reader stumble or struggle to understand, remove it. That is one of the most overused and often, unnecessary words in the English language.

FLAT WRITING:

Amber met Gerard’s gaze, and she was afraid. Was he really a vampire?
“I’d give anything to drink beer again,” he said in a reverent voice.
Amber breathed a sigh of relief. Gerard Delaroche wasn’t a vampire, and he didn’t want to drink her blood. He wanted a beer. Like a normal guy.

Boring! And flat. In this first draft of a scene from Embrace the Darkness, I’m telling the reader Amber is afraid. Gerard speaks, and then Amber chastises herself for believing he’s a vampire. Besides telling rather than showing Amber’s fear, it lacks emotion, and the reader will soon lose interests. This kind of flat writing tells the reader you don’t care about the story or the characters. Or, you’ve lost your way and don’t really know what to write. Whenever you see flat writing on the page, take a break. STOP writing. Rest, think, and find your muse. Then scrap the boring writing and fix it. Add emotion. Make it personal.

Gerard inhaled sharply. His eyes devoured her.
Despite renewed fear, she managed to set the bottle
back on the counter without dropping it.
He’s not a vampire. He’s not a vampire. He’s not a
vampire.
“I’d give anything to drink beer again,” he said in a
reverent voice.
Amber nearly laughed out loud. Her shoulders
sagged. Gerard Delaroche wasn’t a vampire, and he
didn’t want to drink her blood. He wanted a beer. Like
a normal guy.

EMPTY ADVERBS

“Ly” words such as actually, suddenly, completely, really, unfortunately, and hopefully, are a lazy way to write. It’s telling instead of showing. And it drags a sentence down. Use fewer, stronger words to tell more.

In stead of:  Abigail Halsey sat on a bench in the convent
garden. She was so sad and lonely. She really wanted to forgive the man who had done this to her but unfortunately, she couldn’t find it in her heart to do so.

Rewrite: Abigail Halsey sat on a bench in the convent garden, head bowed, trying to find forgiveness in a
heart grown cold.

– from Slightly Noble

 

 

PHONY DIALOGUE
Don’t have characters talk about things they already know just to advance the plot. Example from an original draft of Slightly Tarnished:

His mother glared. “How dare you! If you had ever once acted like an earl, things might have turned out differently, but you challenged your brother to a race in the polluted waters of the Thames. You recovered. He didn’t.”

The Earl already knows what happened to his brother, and he most likely feels guilty about it. In this example, his mother is only speaking so the reader will know the brother was somehow killed or injured and the mother blames the son, but it lacks emotion, and the dialogue doesn’t seem natural. So, I had to find another way to divulge the information. The Earl, Chad, is the POV character, so I gave the reader the information he or she would need by filtering the conversation through his thoughts and emotions.

“How dare you! If you had ever once acted like an earl, things might have turned out differently.”
Pain sliced through Chad like a blade, sharper than his mother’s tongue. “We were eleven years old.” He softened his words, his heart heavy with a guilt that would never fade.
Twenty-one years had passed since he challenged his twin brother to a race in the polluted waters of the Thames. Twenty-one years since they both contracted enteric fever. And twenty-one years of Chad shouldering the responsibility for the tragic outcome of his reckless actions.

Also, when writing contemporary novels and romances, avoid trendy slang unless your characters are teens. It dates your book and can make your hero or heroine seem fake. And make your dialogue true to your character. A waitress will not drop to her knees to perform CPR while shouting, “Joe, dial 911. I think Burt is suffering from a myocardial infarction.” Unless she’s a cardiac surgeon in the witness protection program posing as a waitress, she’d more likely shout, “Joe, call 911! Burt’s having a heart attack.”

Dialogue shows the reader something about the character that a physical description can’t. It shows their personality.

THE UN-NEEDED SUFFIXES

Don’t use “ness” words needlessly. Words like mindlessness, precociousness, wittiness. They’re real words but why use them when there are much stronger alternatives?
Adding “ly” to “ing” words is another bad shortcut. Sometimes, it is telling, not showing.
From Wholesale Husband:

Instead of saying:
“This is a serious proposal,” she said nervously.
“Who are you codding?”His eagerness to leave the confines of the coach were exceedingly difficult to hide. Then she touched his arm again, and his body reacted to the contact in a most unwanted way. Narrowing his eyes, he pried her hand from his wrist.
I edited it to:

“This is a serious proposal,” she insisted, gnawing her lip.
“Who are you codding?” He leaned forward, stretching his leg, ready to descend from the suffocating confinement of the hansom cab.
Again, she stayed him with a touch and again his body reacted to the contact in a most unwanted way. He narrowed his eyes and pried her hand from his wrist.

THE DREADED ‘TO BE’ WORDS:

To be words are passive and slow pacing. Avoid them.
Once your eye is attuned to the frequent use of the “to be” words – “am,” “is,” “are,” “was,” “were,” “be,” “being,” “been” and others – you’ll be appalled at how quickly they deflate your writing, slowing the pace to a crawl.
Instead of- Standing behind a tanker car near the loading platform at Petroleum Center, Ellie was watching the passengers board the Oil Creek Railroad when she said, “Did the porter get our trunks loaded?”

I edited to: “Did the porter get our trunks loaded?” Ellie Wilder
stood behind a tanker car near the loading platform at Petroleum Center, watching passengers board the Oil Creek Railroad.  – From my WIP, Wilder Hearts.

Also, try not to use “there was” or “there is.” It slows pacing.

LISTS

“She looked at the big mahogany desk with its dark polish. It was cluttered with papers, pens, a letter opener, and yada,yada, yada.

Who cares? Unless she’s going to use a letter opener from that desk to kill the villain, we don’t need to know about it.

SHOW. DON’T TELL

This, is the most important thing to do when writing. Don’t tell us your heroine was afraid. Describe her facial features. Filter her emotions through her thoughts, words, and physical reactions. Don’t just say she was scared. The moment the reader can visualize the word picture you’re trying to paint, then you’re showing instead of telling.

Example from Out of the Darkness:

Gooseflesh pimpled Megan’s skin. She
shivered, feeling those footsteps on her grave
again, and followed Vincent into the living room.
He wasn’t a vampire. She hadn’t seen his
reflection in the mirror because of the angle at
which he was standing—or the dim lighting—or
whatever. But he was not a vampire, despite her
erotic dream of the night before.
She shook herself, pushing aside the
unwanted memories and her irrational fears.
“Can I get you something to drink?”

AWKWARD PHRASING

When you’ve completed a chapter, a manuscript, or even a paragraph, reread it as if you are reading a published book. If you stumble reading it or think something else while you’re saying the words aloud, then the phrasing is probably wrong. Awkward phrasing makes the reader stop in the middle of the story to ponder the meaning of what you’re trying to say.

COMMAS AND OTHER PUNCTUATION.

Know your grammar and punctuation! Refresh yourself on the rules. Get a style book. Or check out other books and/or websites on grammar and writing. In today’s digital age, a writer’s resources are virtually unlimited. So learn the rules. Know which ones you can break and which ones you can’t break. If you don’t already know, teach yourself about compound sentences. Most modifying clauses and many phrases *require* commas. A sentence whose parts cannot stand alone as a complete sentence on either side of an AND or BUT does NOT need a comma. And for God’s sake, KNOW the differences between your and you’re, then and than, too, to, and two, just to name a few.

But most of all. Just write!